Natalia
Hiii first all let me introduce my self my name is Natalia Mav im 19 years old currently living in Athens Greece im originally from Melbourne Australia but i moved here around 2 years ago to start off a new life and make a career in the singing industry.. At the moment im not currently working im on a 1 month break from my singing.. I was singing 4 a year staight here in clubs so i though i need a vacation!!! Next month im getting in the studio to start writing my new cd.. So dont ask me why i dont have any music up yet because most of it isn't even ready i have about 2 songs which are but i cant put them up here yet due to copyright reasons. I sing Greek PoP music, its preety cool i guess. So around june 2007 my cd should be out (me to kalo) Im here on my space to meet new friends and of course for promotion, i think its a great way how to meet new people and make cool new friends.. Im currently single at the moment. Im not looking for a boyfriend but hey if something good comes along why not.. But at the moment im more focussed on my career.. Anyways i hope to meet a lot of cool interesting people from all over the world. Thanks -Natalia
you can find me at this free dating site
Mia
I'm a recent graduate of Montclair State, I'm into recording/music and I'm currently trying to establish myself as a singer. I also love to dance, club, and write songs. Hopefully one day it will be my voice that everyones jumping to :) Okay anyway there's way to much to tell about me so if anyone wants to know more I'm never shy with questions <3<3<3
you can find me at this free dating site
Sara
I'm 23 and I'm a student at USF. I also have a full time job as a purchasing manager at a plumbing company. I used to play varsity soccer. I love to sing and be outside. My family and friends are very important to me, and I am a Christian. I am red headed with blue eyes and a curvy body. If you don't like your women that way it's all good. Happy hunting, else where... ;o) I'm pretty laid back, a little goofy, energetic, but mostly just chill...I'm honest and loyal. I've been cheated on and it's not something I want to happen again, nor is it something that I would put someone through. I don't want someone hyper who needs to be entertained every second of the day, or someone clingy. I'd like to meet someone who is open about his feelings, and easy to talk to. I like people who are down to earth and are confident without being arrogant; someone who is able to just sit still once in a while. I like men who know what they want and don't mind working hard to get it.
I after I graduate with my BS, I will be pursuing a Masters degree in nursing, and ultimately want to be a Family Nurse Practitioner. I've always been a caretaker and peace maker. I'm not a push over but I can't stand yelling and fighting, I'd rather handle issues with adult discussions. I will not put up with overbearing attitudes. Otherwise I get along with almost every one. People say I'm funny, kind, thoughtful, intelligent, witty, and over all just fun to be around. I've been in Tampa for about 16 years and I'm trying to meet new people, since my best friends are both in serious relationships, one being married, it's hard for me to get out and be in the scene. So, if you would like to chat, email me. I'm not necessarily looking for serious, but if you're just looking for a hook up, it's not going to happen here. I would like to meet someone who compliments my personality and see where it goes from there.
you can find me at this free dating site
Friday, October 06, 2006
Are You Too Available ?
Here is a truth, most people are too available. Far too available when dating. Think about the things you aspire to, good clothes, expensive Italian car perhaps, Tiffany jewelry, Rolex watches, a 100 foot yacht. Whatever. The fact is, the things we most want or desire in life are often the least accessible. Things are seen to be worthwhile because they are rare. Rarity is the key ingredient here. The less we can get hold of something, the more we want it after the initial need or feeling of desire is created.
The unobtainable is oh so sweet, from the catwalk supermodel to Brad Pitt, we can dream but we cannot have. And that, my friends is the point of this article. When you date stop being so available, stop being at the end of a phone, stop being available 24 hours a day and start being elusive. Why? Because for the reasons I have just said. Create the need and then remove it and the desire factor goes through the roof.
The problem with following this brief piece of advice is that it is extremely difficult for mere mortals to do. When we meet someone we really like we stop playing games, we want to be with them, we want to see them 24 hours a day, our waking hours are devoted to our next meeting. The problem is, our date may not see things the same way and soon boredom can set in. Worse, by being too available we cheapen our own attractiveness, we become far less rare, far more common and sadly far less desirable.
So what we need to do is train ourselves to be enigmatic and elusive and stop being so available. A friend of mine worked in a bar in new York and was always attracting girls but he never appeared to get anywhere after the first couple of dates. He is a lovely guy and probably one of the most reliable men I have ever met. He wanted to know why women seemed to lose interest in him and stopped calling so we performed an experiment. He was asked not to call the women he dated, maybe once but after that let the women chase. They would leave messages, he didn't reply, if he did it was a while later. So they would pop into the bar to see him but he never offered to make new arrangements first though he maintained their interest levels and very soon he discovered that the girls were now chasing him! The point here was that he had become elusive, he had an air of mystery now, he was someone the girls wanted to get to know. He was a challenge.
It has happened to me on numerous occasions that I have let myself become too available. I had to learn the hard way. I met a beautiful girl whilst working in New York City and it appeared to be perfect from the moment we met, so much so that I threw my dating rules out of the window and we spent almost two full weeks together. Then all of a sudden it stopped. And she wanted to call things off. The fact was that I had become too available for her, I was there whenever she wanted, I had altered my routine too soon, too quickly and too much for things to work out. Of course I was available for all the right reasons but it had completely the wrong effect. I lost the girl.
So when you meet someone you like, by all means get started down the dating path but ensure that you keep to your regular schedule and don't be available every day. If you are free both days a the weekend, one is for you, one is for your date at first. If you are free Tuesday and Thursday for dinner, let them know which is better for you. If they suggest Tuesday, you suggest Thursday. Don't call so frequently (which is extremely hard to do) and don't always answer your phone (yes really) and make sure that you can bring plenty of separate activity information back to your date when you do meet up.
For all the crazy forced separation, the dates you will have will be all the more spectacular. For many of you reading this you will think I am crazy or have misgivings about trying to do this and I bet that many of you won't listen when you meet the person you are crazy about. The fact is, the less available you are to a degree, the more likely you will succeed in getting your Mr. Right. Create the demand, become the diamond and then become as difficult as a top jewelers to get into, but sustain the desire factor - that's the way it works.
The unobtainable is oh so sweet, from the catwalk supermodel to Brad Pitt, we can dream but we cannot have. And that, my friends is the point of this article. When you date stop being so available, stop being at the end of a phone, stop being available 24 hours a day and start being elusive. Why? Because for the reasons I have just said. Create the need and then remove it and the desire factor goes through the roof.
The problem with following this brief piece of advice is that it is extremely difficult for mere mortals to do. When we meet someone we really like we stop playing games, we want to be with them, we want to see them 24 hours a day, our waking hours are devoted to our next meeting. The problem is, our date may not see things the same way and soon boredom can set in. Worse, by being too available we cheapen our own attractiveness, we become far less rare, far more common and sadly far less desirable.
So what we need to do is train ourselves to be enigmatic and elusive and stop being so available. A friend of mine worked in a bar in new York and was always attracting girls but he never appeared to get anywhere after the first couple of dates. He is a lovely guy and probably one of the most reliable men I have ever met. He wanted to know why women seemed to lose interest in him and stopped calling so we performed an experiment. He was asked not to call the women he dated, maybe once but after that let the women chase. They would leave messages, he didn't reply, if he did it was a while later. So they would pop into the bar to see him but he never offered to make new arrangements first though he maintained their interest levels and very soon he discovered that the girls were now chasing him! The point here was that he had become elusive, he had an air of mystery now, he was someone the girls wanted to get to know. He was a challenge.
It has happened to me on numerous occasions that I have let myself become too available. I had to learn the hard way. I met a beautiful girl whilst working in New York City and it appeared to be perfect from the moment we met, so much so that I threw my dating rules out of the window and we spent almost two full weeks together. Then all of a sudden it stopped. And she wanted to call things off. The fact was that I had become too available for her, I was there whenever she wanted, I had altered my routine too soon, too quickly and too much for things to work out. Of course I was available for all the right reasons but it had completely the wrong effect. I lost the girl.
So when you meet someone you like, by all means get started down the dating path but ensure that you keep to your regular schedule and don't be available every day. If you are free both days a the weekend, one is for you, one is for your date at first. If you are free Tuesday and Thursday for dinner, let them know which is better for you. If they suggest Tuesday, you suggest Thursday. Don't call so frequently (which is extremely hard to do) and don't always answer your phone (yes really) and make sure that you can bring plenty of separate activity information back to your date when you do meet up.
For all the crazy forced separation, the dates you will have will be all the more spectacular. For many of you reading this you will think I am crazy or have misgivings about trying to do this and I bet that many of you won't listen when you meet the person you are crazy about. The fact is, the less available you are to a degree, the more likely you will succeed in getting your Mr. Right. Create the demand, become the diamond and then become as difficult as a top jewelers to get into, but sustain the desire factor - that's the way it works.
Bad Dates We Should All Avoid
I read a report this week from a top professor in the UK that said that most successful daters were those who dated people who had similar outlooks to themselves. Those who were far less careful when selecting a companion ended up having a much worse time. In other words, date the people who are most like you in character to be successful in romance. Simple really.
The fact is, we all occasionally choose the wrong type of people to date. Maybe it is the challenge, the novelty factor, the adventure or the risk. Maybe it is just boredom that makes us do these things. There are lots of reasons why we do. We may want to act as nursemaid, psychologist, mother, protector, sugar daddy, friend and assistant. So who are the wrong types that we should try and avoid?
Here are a few that spring to mind:
Married People
Don't even think about it my friend. This is a big no-no. If you are married too then you re about to enter an affair that could cost you not just a few stolen weekends but your marriage, kids, house, career, financial stability and your heart. Dating married people is a stupid game and for idiots only. Harsh words you may think but no good comes of dating married folk. You see , if you are single and they are married you cannot comprehend the amount of stress they will be dealing with during an affair and they won't tell you either. It is highly unlikely they will leave their partner for you. If they don't leave within the first 12 weeks, run like the wind. If the married person does leave them for you, then the pressure is all on your buddy and any time things go wrong in future you will be held severely accountable and blamed.
Then there are the lies. The deceit which strip you of your dignity. The fact that you will never get to see them at weekends when you have lots of spare time will drive you crazy. And finally , when you are all alone, they will be with their partner and family. All though you are having sex with someone, for the most part you will still be single. There are very few people in this world who can seriously cope with a long term married affair. Avoid unless you are a complete fool.
Serial Daters - The Lounge Lizard(ess)
This used to be the sole domain of men but in recent times women have become as predatory as men have always been. The serial dater is often interested ins ex and looks and will treat you as a trophy. You may think you can spot these types a mile away but you can't because they are extremely highly skilled in telling you what you want to hear. They will be psychologists and seducers who take in your every word and play it back to you in the hope that you will succumb. Once you have, there is no where to go, you may be asked to stay around for a short while so that you can be shown off to their friends but ultimately you will certainly be dumped to be quickly replaced by someone who meant as little as you did.
The Liar
There are few of us who are completely virtuous so lets not pretend too much here. There are a lot of people out there who have told a small lie to get someone into bed. Even worse, there are a great many who lie from the first date to simply try and impress. The problem here is that that almost all people who tell lies ultimately get found out. On your first date you will not be able to spot a liar if they are any good because you will have no time to go over what you have been told, it will only become clear over time. The risk is that by the time you discover the awful truth (whatever it is) you may have already fallen for them. Lying usually begins innocently enough and rapidly gets out of control as the person digs themselves a hole. You can protect yourself by being suspicious of any outlandish claims and checking out things you have been told. The general rule here is that if you suspect something, you are very probably right.
The Possessive Lover
Jealousy and possessiveness are more widespread than we care to admit. The happy go lucky person we have begun to date could easily turn into sleeping with the enemy so it pays to be wary. Almost always, jealousy and possessiveness come from deep insecurity, lack of self confidence and self worth. Everything begins normally enough but quickly your date wants to know where you are, who your friends are, calls too often and wants to pick you up from work. They comment on what you wear in the evening and prefer it that you stay home with them. A jealous person will try and keep you home whilst they themselves break their rules. They think that by keeping you isolated you will be more likely to stay put. These people are afraid that they do not deserve you and will do anything to keep you because they are convinced they are always about to lose you. They will not accept you are there because you want to be. Such people have emotional problems that you cannot fix and therefore avoid at all costs.
The Rebound Person
The date with emotional baggage is a non starter. Don't date these people. It may be that they are still coming to terms with the end of their last relationship so they are not looking for you yet, they are still looking backwards for their original lover. It can take some people years to get over a relationship break up so dating them will solve no problems in the short term. When someone is fully ready to date again it will show, but watch for constant references and comparisons with an ex and if it gets too much let them downs gently an walk away.
The Flirt
Very attractive in the first place but one of the worst dates you can choose in the longer term. Flirts love to have fun and be the center of attention and of course flirting is very sexy. But here we are referring to serial flirters, those who cannot help but wanting to be the center of attention with the opposite (or same) sex every time you go out. They will always be focusing on who can make them the center of attention and you may soon find you are being left out. This type is for the very secure only so be careful.
The Social Misfit
Your date does need to get on with your friends and mix well in your established social circle. In the same way you need to be able to mix easily in theirs. That is the basis of a good match as there are many unspoken belief system confirmations going on when you mix. If you mix together well then you have the same social beliefs in terms of behavior, humor, communication etc. You may feel that you can date people from completely different social climates but be very well prepared if so.
The Boss
No no no no no. The worst date you can choose. Mixing business and pleasure is a recipe for disaster and not worth contemplating. You may be attracted to their power and position, their looks, intellect and sophistication but the rest of the office will see you as trying to sleep yourself to the top. When it all goes wrong you will have no place to hide and in the meantime your entire private life will be the attention of the office gossips. Just don't go there unless you wish to get hurt and harm your career.
The fact is, we all occasionally choose the wrong type of people to date. Maybe it is the challenge, the novelty factor, the adventure or the risk. Maybe it is just boredom that makes us do these things. There are lots of reasons why we do. We may want to act as nursemaid, psychologist, mother, protector, sugar daddy, friend and assistant. So who are the wrong types that we should try and avoid?
Here are a few that spring to mind:
Married People
Don't even think about it my friend. This is a big no-no. If you are married too then you re about to enter an affair that could cost you not just a few stolen weekends but your marriage, kids, house, career, financial stability and your heart. Dating married people is a stupid game and for idiots only. Harsh words you may think but no good comes of dating married folk. You see , if you are single and they are married you cannot comprehend the amount of stress they will be dealing with during an affair and they won't tell you either. It is highly unlikely they will leave their partner for you. If they don't leave within the first 12 weeks, run like the wind. If the married person does leave them for you, then the pressure is all on your buddy and any time things go wrong in future you will be held severely accountable and blamed.
Then there are the lies. The deceit which strip you of your dignity. The fact that you will never get to see them at weekends when you have lots of spare time will drive you crazy. And finally , when you are all alone, they will be with their partner and family. All though you are having sex with someone, for the most part you will still be single. There are very few people in this world who can seriously cope with a long term married affair. Avoid unless you are a complete fool.
Serial Daters - The Lounge Lizard(ess)
This used to be the sole domain of men but in recent times women have become as predatory as men have always been. The serial dater is often interested ins ex and looks and will treat you as a trophy. You may think you can spot these types a mile away but you can't because they are extremely highly skilled in telling you what you want to hear. They will be psychologists and seducers who take in your every word and play it back to you in the hope that you will succumb. Once you have, there is no where to go, you may be asked to stay around for a short while so that you can be shown off to their friends but ultimately you will certainly be dumped to be quickly replaced by someone who meant as little as you did.
The Liar
There are few of us who are completely virtuous so lets not pretend too much here. There are a lot of people out there who have told a small lie to get someone into bed. Even worse, there are a great many who lie from the first date to simply try and impress. The problem here is that that almost all people who tell lies ultimately get found out. On your first date you will not be able to spot a liar if they are any good because you will have no time to go over what you have been told, it will only become clear over time. The risk is that by the time you discover the awful truth (whatever it is) you may have already fallen for them. Lying usually begins innocently enough and rapidly gets out of control as the person digs themselves a hole. You can protect yourself by being suspicious of any outlandish claims and checking out things you have been told. The general rule here is that if you suspect something, you are very probably right.
The Possessive Lover
Jealousy and possessiveness are more widespread than we care to admit. The happy go lucky person we have begun to date could easily turn into sleeping with the enemy so it pays to be wary. Almost always, jealousy and possessiveness come from deep insecurity, lack of self confidence and self worth. Everything begins normally enough but quickly your date wants to know where you are, who your friends are, calls too often and wants to pick you up from work. They comment on what you wear in the evening and prefer it that you stay home with them. A jealous person will try and keep you home whilst they themselves break their rules. They think that by keeping you isolated you will be more likely to stay put. These people are afraid that they do not deserve you and will do anything to keep you because they are convinced they are always about to lose you. They will not accept you are there because you want to be. Such people have emotional problems that you cannot fix and therefore avoid at all costs.
The Rebound Person
The date with emotional baggage is a non starter. Don't date these people. It may be that they are still coming to terms with the end of their last relationship so they are not looking for you yet, they are still looking backwards for their original lover. It can take some people years to get over a relationship break up so dating them will solve no problems in the short term. When someone is fully ready to date again it will show, but watch for constant references and comparisons with an ex and if it gets too much let them downs gently an walk away.
The Flirt
Very attractive in the first place but one of the worst dates you can choose in the longer term. Flirts love to have fun and be the center of attention and of course flirting is very sexy. But here we are referring to serial flirters, those who cannot help but wanting to be the center of attention with the opposite (or same) sex every time you go out. They will always be focusing on who can make them the center of attention and you may soon find you are being left out. This type is for the very secure only so be careful.
The Social Misfit
Your date does need to get on with your friends and mix well in your established social circle. In the same way you need to be able to mix easily in theirs. That is the basis of a good match as there are many unspoken belief system confirmations going on when you mix. If you mix together well then you have the same social beliefs in terms of behavior, humor, communication etc. You may feel that you can date people from completely different social climates but be very well prepared if so.
The Boss
No no no no no. The worst date you can choose. Mixing business and pleasure is a recipe for disaster and not worth contemplating. You may be attracted to their power and position, their looks, intellect and sophistication but the rest of the office will see you as trying to sleep yourself to the top. When it all goes wrong you will have no place to hide and in the meantime your entire private life will be the attention of the office gossips. Just don't go there unless you wish to get hurt and harm your career.
The Perils of Dating at Work
In they walk into your office, gorgeous, presentable, sexy and in an instant the drudgery of a lifetime at your workstation has been banished. What follows is email flirting, chats over the coffee machine, a quick drink after work and before you know it, your brand new girlfriend or boyfriend is the person working opposite. You would never do that would you? Would you!
The fact is, a large minority of people do meet and date through work. It is a fact of life and surprisingly natural given that we spend 8 hours or more a day with people we are paid to be with in a building that is either too cold or too hot. For many, the majority of our waking days are spent at work, not at home and as time passes it is very understandable that bonds are forged and romantic relationships develop.
And to that end, I have no worries. Until that is, it all goes terribly wrong. Now of course there are plenty of you out there reading this who are currently either seeing someone at work quite happily or have done so with no ill repercussions. And thank your lucky stars for that. But for the grace of God, its all too easy to go the other way. Okay all relationships begin innocently enough, it is exciting to have a new date anyway, but to be falling in love with someone you can see during work hours is an extra treat. You may not work in the same job or office, but you may be in the same building or company, able to get in touch at a moments notice. Certainly lunchtimes take on a whole new meaning and work becomes for a time a delight not a chore.
The problem is, what happens when things begin slowly to fall apart. Okay so you are professional and good at your job. You are able to concentrate even through a category 5 tornado and so you would never be affected but affairs of the heart. Your job and career are too important to you. And that is great, but I don't believe you. When relationships begin to go wrong you begin by spending an inordinate amount of time questioning yourself, the situation, the other party, your sanity and everything about you. In other words, you think a lot. Which means - you are not thinking about the paper work on your desk.
Distraction means loss of performance, means loss of control, means possible loss of career. Is anyone worth that? Well maybe yes, if you hate your job and feel you have no career and all your bills are paid then go for it. But as most of us are not in such a luxurious position we need to step more carefully. You should think before you leap - in particular about how your company would handle a broken relationship in office time.
Little by little, the person rapidly exiting your life becomes not a delightful interlude but a major distraction in the office, someone to focus not kind thoughts but someone you can harbor doubts about. Your best friend is told the details and soon everyone knows. In other words, your relationship has become the office gossip whether you realize it or not. Then we get divided loyalties, the boss's awareness of something wrong. They are minor distractions but they are still relevant. The problem with office romances is that the object of your affections and possible later disdain is always right under your nose. You don't have the option of disassociation or space, and thereby hangs the real danger.
The problem with dating at work is that you are bringing powerful emotions to bear in a place that is your safe haven from everything emotional. The place where you can hide, is now the place where you are most at risk. There is only one answer to the question of whether you should sate at work. DON'T. Whilst the guy be the coffee machine may be cute, I believe that your salary, career, stability and peace of mind are a great deal more important. We all take chances in life, but as any gambler will tell you, only gamble what you can afford to lose. And dating at work is an incalculable risk.
Keep in mind this valuable lesson by a friend of mine. He dated a girl in his office for nearly two years but he didn't know 6 months before the end that she had decided to break things off. Instead of confronting him and telling him it was all over, the woman worked steadily on his boss passing on all sorts of allegations until without warning my friend was fired and lost a $150,000 salary and his girlfriend, on the same day. Subsequently he also lost his house too.
The fact is, a large minority of people do meet and date through work. It is a fact of life and surprisingly natural given that we spend 8 hours or more a day with people we are paid to be with in a building that is either too cold or too hot. For many, the majority of our waking days are spent at work, not at home and as time passes it is very understandable that bonds are forged and romantic relationships develop.
And to that end, I have no worries. Until that is, it all goes terribly wrong. Now of course there are plenty of you out there reading this who are currently either seeing someone at work quite happily or have done so with no ill repercussions. And thank your lucky stars for that. But for the grace of God, its all too easy to go the other way. Okay all relationships begin innocently enough, it is exciting to have a new date anyway, but to be falling in love with someone you can see during work hours is an extra treat. You may not work in the same job or office, but you may be in the same building or company, able to get in touch at a moments notice. Certainly lunchtimes take on a whole new meaning and work becomes for a time a delight not a chore.
The problem is, what happens when things begin slowly to fall apart. Okay so you are professional and good at your job. You are able to concentrate even through a category 5 tornado and so you would never be affected but affairs of the heart. Your job and career are too important to you. And that is great, but I don't believe you. When relationships begin to go wrong you begin by spending an inordinate amount of time questioning yourself, the situation, the other party, your sanity and everything about you. In other words, you think a lot. Which means - you are not thinking about the paper work on your desk.
Distraction means loss of performance, means loss of control, means possible loss of career. Is anyone worth that? Well maybe yes, if you hate your job and feel you have no career and all your bills are paid then go for it. But as most of us are not in such a luxurious position we need to step more carefully. You should think before you leap - in particular about how your company would handle a broken relationship in office time.
Little by little, the person rapidly exiting your life becomes not a delightful interlude but a major distraction in the office, someone to focus not kind thoughts but someone you can harbor doubts about. Your best friend is told the details and soon everyone knows. In other words, your relationship has become the office gossip whether you realize it or not. Then we get divided loyalties, the boss's awareness of something wrong. They are minor distractions but they are still relevant. The problem with office romances is that the object of your affections and possible later disdain is always right under your nose. You don't have the option of disassociation or space, and thereby hangs the real danger.
The problem with dating at work is that you are bringing powerful emotions to bear in a place that is your safe haven from everything emotional. The place where you can hide, is now the place where you are most at risk. There is only one answer to the question of whether you should sate at work. DON'T. Whilst the guy be the coffee machine may be cute, I believe that your salary, career, stability and peace of mind are a great deal more important. We all take chances in life, but as any gambler will tell you, only gamble what you can afford to lose. And dating at work is an incalculable risk.
Keep in mind this valuable lesson by a friend of mine. He dated a girl in his office for nearly two years but he didn't know 6 months before the end that she had decided to break things off. Instead of confronting him and telling him it was all over, the woman worked steadily on his boss passing on all sorts of allegations until without warning my friend was fired and lost a $150,000 salary and his girlfriend, on the same day. Subsequently he also lost his house too.
